Segway to Heaven

I was sure I was going to die. I'd awoken this morning with a blocked nose, congested head, and a razor-blade cough. I guess changing climates will do that to you.

But that's not why I thought I was convinced of my impending death.

Your three amigos were about to partake in a 3 hour tour of Paris on Segways, and the cold and flu meds I'd bought earlier in the day had just kicked in, leaving me feeling dazed, light-headed and convinced that I'd fall off my segway in the heart of Paris.

Our guide Moko, made it sound so simple - a segway is controlled by a series of gyroscopes, which providing you stay centred on the riding platform, will stay balanced. By leaning forward or back from your hips, you are propelled forward or backward.

Simple.

Practice had me driving into a tree. Then I couldn't stop the damn thing. And parking? Fuhghedabowtit...

Freebs and Mad seemed to have very few problems with it, but I had this feeling deep inside that this would be my undoing. That our grand French adventure would be cut short by a foolish tourist lark, that someone like me should be old enough to know better than to try.

As Han Solo would say, "I have a very bad feeling about this".

So onto the streets of Paris we went, in a very ritzy neighbourhood near the Champs de Mars. I stayed at the back of the group figuring I could conceal any altercations with small dogs, cracked sidewalks, and my general battle with gravity from the rest of the tour group. This would also allow me to pace myself, and not feel pressured to keep up with the rest of the group for the sake of those behind me.

What this also gave me was the advantage of watching everyone else fall off their segways, see what they did wrong, learn from their mistakes, and slowly build my confidence. This proved to be the second best idea I'd had all day.

The best decision was to go on this tour in the first place - what a blast!

As the sun set, I soon discovered why Paris is called the City of Lights, as just like a teenaged girl before her Year 12 Formal, Paris dresses up at night.

Wow! We segwayed our way across town, along the Seine, across the Pont Alexandre III bridge, just in time to see the Eiffel Tower do it's "Hippy Hippy Shake" of sparkling lights on the hour.

From there to Le Louvre, and then back again to Champs De Mars, all the while building my confidence and generally having a blast.

The Segway. I want one.

I couldn't resist the urge to show off a little being at the back of the group, as the one thing you get whilst rolling though town is plenty of attention, and the one thing Paris has in abundance is very attractive women, so I could not help myself from greeting each and every one of them whom seemed to grant me a quizzical glance with a polite "Bon Soir!" and a big smile.

I shot the video below while driving one-handed along the Seine - it's a little on the dark side, but you'll get the idea.



If visiting Paris, Berlin, or Budapest City Segway Tours offer 3 hours of the most fun you'll likely have. It wasn't the cheapest tour you'll encounter, but what you get for your money is a real experience.

And the chance to show off in front of beautiful woman whom you'll never meet again.